And, finally, a curve?!

It's May again. This time around, every year, something happens, a conspiracy of sorts, it seems someone somewhere is trying to call me, trying to lead me to somewhere, trying to tell me something, by turning my whole life around, by trying to get me to take a decision - an act I fear the most.

It's more or less been a cycle. Come May or June or July, and I have almost finished a year, give and take a few months, in an organisation. And by this time, somehow, I get a call from some other company, asking me to join them "immediately".

Last year, it was Qatar. The year before that, was Times of India. This year, it's India, calling me back once again, with a monthly package, only a fool like me has the potential to turn down - Euro 1200 per month (Indian Rupees 70,000 pm), working for a Europe-based web publication that specializes in the IT/Technology sector.

Don't ask me how it happens. I have absolutely no idea. I don't even ever apply. They just come around with an offer, and make my day, a living hell.

I begin to think, dreading to take that decision. I start wondering about the pros and cons. But then 70k is a whole lot of money in India. I can have a rented pent house in one of the highrises in Gurgaon - something I always wanted to have. I could live like a king.

But then, I'll be back in Delhi, a place I once ran away from.

I'd have to leave Qatar, a place, no matter how much I deny, I've gradually fallen in love with - the peace, the quietness, the dullness of the bars, the teeny weeny bit of fame that I have here.

I'm scared now, just like everyone else, to get back into the real world - of working extra hours, slogging your ass off, the crowd, the chaos.

But then again 70k is a lot of money in India.

Here in Qatar, I make just about 80k if I convert the riyals into Rupees. But then, I am in Qatar, where a small bottle of beer costs about 200 Indian bucks, as compared to India where I can get two big bottles of beer in a bar for 170 bucks during happy hours, which go on till 9pm.

In Qatar, where I pay about 20grand for a room, and compare it with India, 5 grand more and I can live in a pent house, may be.

But it's the IT/Technology journalism field - by far the most boring beat in the profession. Even though I have a couple of ex-women of mine working in PR agencies that deal in the sector, hence, it's going to be quite a smooth ride, I'll still be doing something I don't enjoy.

Do I need to learn - to accept the fact that work is work and not fun? That work's not supposed to be something you enjoy, that's why it's called work? Will I become like any tom, dick and harry, who do things just so that they can get their paycheck at the end of the month?

I don't know.

I'm scared, just like any of you. I'm no different, like I keep pretending to be. I'm shit fuckin scared of jumping into a cliff I don't know the depth of.

I can do it, if there's no time to think.

They want me to join in a week. There's no time.

And for the first time in my life, I have to take a decision on my own. No dad, no mom, no friend to throw the blame on if the decision falls flat on its face.

For one time, I need to decide what I really want - if leaving India was just a way to escape or did I truly see an opportunity to travel, something I say I want to, from Qatar and beyond, or if I truly left my heart behind in India.

I wonder if an amount like 70k can get the better of me - to do something, at which even though I'll be good, but don't really want to do it.

I'll know, soon enough.

It's strange how suddenly life changes, its directon changes, the journey changes, destinations change. It's like a fully-automatic train, which changes tracks on its own, and you - you're just a passenger.

Why can't we just sit back, sip our wine and enjoy the view... instead of constantly trying to take control over the machine, which we really don't know how to operate?