Delhi
It's weird. I'm on a holiday... back home, and I feel so empty. There's something weird about this.
To put it rather simply, I think I've gone a little beyond 'back home'. To put even more simply, 'back home', I've realised means absolutely nothing to me.
I am not as excited while I am here as I was just before I was leaving for this place.
I don't think this is the case of the grass is greener on the other side. Or maybe it is, I realy don't know. But I found out, yes, in just about 48 hours, that I have nothing to come 'back home' to. Nothing.
When I left for Qatar, I left everything, everybody. I thought, or assumed, they might still be standing where I left them. No. They're gone. There weren't many anyway.
Not that I am upset about it. Like I said, it's just all so emtpy. It's strange.
When I say I've gone beyond 'back home', I mean it.
I don't think I hate Delhi, it's stll the same, the way I loved it, but something about ME is different now. I stay in Qatar. That's what's different.
Or maybe, I'm just like a parrot, who'd always hide itself in one corner before it's about to die so that it's master doesn't see it die.
Parents?
I love them, indeed, with all my heart. But...mmmm... I don't know how to explain this. I love them, but... errr... we're different. I've kinda grown out of living with parents, answering questions, explaining myself. Simple questions like, "Who's phone was it?"
I am not used to answering that question. Get my point?
I am not used to being pampered as well. So I stay out most of the time. Just spend some time on my own here and there.
But I know, I'll have to keep coming back to Delhi no matter where I am. It's a formality, just a formality I'll always have to perform - check on my old folks once in a while. Say hi for a bit.
That's it.
I got nothing more to say, other than, I'm waiting for this long month to end, so I can get back to my normal life...
I feel like a stranger here - in my home.
To put it rather simply, I think I've gone a little beyond 'back home'. To put even more simply, 'back home', I've realised means absolutely nothing to me.
I am not as excited while I am here as I was just before I was leaving for this place.
I don't think this is the case of the grass is greener on the other side. Or maybe it is, I realy don't know. But I found out, yes, in just about 48 hours, that I have nothing to come 'back home' to. Nothing.
When I left for Qatar, I left everything, everybody. I thought, or assumed, they might still be standing where I left them. No. They're gone. There weren't many anyway.
Not that I am upset about it. Like I said, it's just all so emtpy. It's strange.
When I say I've gone beyond 'back home', I mean it.
I don't think I hate Delhi, it's stll the same, the way I loved it, but something about ME is different now. I stay in Qatar. That's what's different.
Or maybe, I'm just like a parrot, who'd always hide itself in one corner before it's about to die so that it's master doesn't see it die.
Parents?
I love them, indeed, with all my heart. But...mmmm... I don't know how to explain this. I love them, but... errr... we're different. I've kinda grown out of living with parents, answering questions, explaining myself. Simple questions like, "Who's phone was it?"
I am not used to answering that question. Get my point?
I am not used to being pampered as well. So I stay out most of the time. Just spend some time on my own here and there.
But I know, I'll have to keep coming back to Delhi no matter where I am. It's a formality, just a formality I'll always have to perform - check on my old folks once in a while. Say hi for a bit.
That's it.
I got nothing more to say, other than, I'm waiting for this long month to end, so I can get back to my normal life...
I feel like a stranger here - in my home.
posted by Once the Conman at 2:10 PM
12 Comments:
i told you so!
Wow... and after reading this.. feels like, i'm the next in waiting.. uhh well, time should reveal everything..
They say the only thing constant about life is change....Its scary but the same goes with how you feel, every second that passes.. never really the same....as time passes by it just becomes more obvious to you.. hey embrance the change.. make the best of it..who knows you may not even want to go back after a month esp if you get used to the pampering..;-)
I felt the same way when I went back to Malaysia after being in Melbourne for a few months. I felt like I was in limbo, not really sure where I belonged. Just like you, I was more excited about the prospect of returning than when I was actually there. But you've got a whole month there, give it some time and you'll probably fall back to your old routine.
Don't forget to have that lime soda on my behalf!
ohh shucks.. u still feelin like this?!?
hmm.. i'm looking at probably the same thing this time.. hardly any friends in delhi anymore.. home is where friends are, that's it.
A severe stomach infection stopped me from getting back to you(r)..blog.Wait till you start feeling differently.Change is inevitable and silence and monotony are usual before a storm...of happiness?
happens! it's a thin line we cross from cant-live-without to hello-there.. especially with parents. and that feeling that "home" is just a place to visit once in a while.. gosh!! it's amazing how fast that happens.. especially when ur sitting out there with that thought in your head that everything will be fine once you're "home".. sigh!!
btw, just bumped in here from elsewhere.. so much for an intro ;-)
So close....and yet so far....and while you were far, felt so close....strange ....strange are the ways of the soul....
What you've written comes straight from your heart....each word....each feeling is so familiar....
Well, someone's waiting to see you...
Nice discovery for me... a chance to hear from a hitherto unfamiliar part of the world... Rock on man!
And hope Delhi is not too much of a pain before u get back 'home' :-)
hey rohit...i say give it some time..maybe you're still in 'qatar-missing-mode'
i say give delhi a chance..
D... where are you ya?
Call me man... I'm fuckin getin so damn bored here, it's not even funny.
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