This isn't for you, shoo

Yeah, I could post pictures, of Australia, or the great barrier reef, or the chopper I travelled in, or me before some of the world's most picturesque frames, of of me standing in capris, a sleevless tee and chappals with a backpack hanging from the back of my shoulders... i could do all that and boast of another stamp in my passport, or how cool I am...

Crap.

Believe me, you won't, it's shit when they say you should live a day at a time, live in the moment. It's shit because it can't be done. It's a myth that sounds extremely beautiful when it comes in the form of an advice by some wannabe asshole trying to sound good.

They say travellers don't give a fuck about tomorrow and yesterday. Or so we believe. I really doubt if that's true. Sure, they try not to think about those two aspects of life. But it doesn't happen. It never does.

Your past and your future are just such a big part of your existence that you possibly cannot separate them from your present, or in any state of mind you are in.

I think about both obsessively though, even though I say or pretend I don't give a damn, that it's the present that matters. Both fuck me up, but it's my future that fucks me up even more, coz I don't know it yet. It's there, probably already planned out, probably I'm supposed to make it, probably there is none (but there has to be)...i don't know, but it scares the fuck out of me to think of where I will be, what I'd be like later on in life, say, 10 years down.

If now I gotta imagine, I'd say I'd be right here, just like this, single, alone, craving for more, empty. But then, it could be totally the opposite. Either way, both options shit the fuck out of me. I'm scared of being anyone but who I am right now. Wrong or right, good or bad, dumb or a fuckwit... this is the guy I know. Anyone else will be a stranger i feel.

But I know. One day, a day will come, when I'd wake up in the morning on a couch in front of my television, somewhere on this planet, i don't know where, and I'll mumble, Fuck Ro, you've been around the world...and you haven't found the one thing you're looking for.

You never will.

Go back to sleep.