Still... empty
This is getting stranger by the day... maybe by the moment even. I never really realised how pathetic, and what a mess, my life was until I returned, thinking, I had a great life here. Great my ass!
To get to one place to another, it takes you hours. Driving, you can barely switch to the fourth gear... don't even know why they make cars here with a fifth one!
It's like I never left. As of this moment my life is exactly how it was when I left Delhi six months and six days ago. I've taken over from where I left off... exactly.
The same old drunken phone calls, the desperate search for something to do, someone to meet and then push them away when they come a little closer.
There's no body here. I don't know what I'm hoping for. A miracle maybe. That someone extra ordinary will come into my life, right now, before this month ends and change my life forever.
Someone who can control my life for me.
I'm ok in Qatar.. well, and if you think I am not ok there then you should see me here. A smile comes hard. In Qatar, there are moments when I truly laugh.
It's the same old faces. Some haven't changed even a bit. The same questions... "Hey how's Qatar? Do you get killed if you're caught drunk?"
I don't even bother answering them.
I enter a place, and I can see people pointing at me, mumbling, "Hey... look there, he's back. Remember him? The same guy, remember who used to trip alone at TC all the time?"
You know what...
I ain't even taking this as a holiday which it happens to be. I'm putting too much pressure on myself to find something, someone.
I should relax... watch some TV, eat good food, sleep... just laze around a little.
I'm alays trying to go out, one place after the other, like a mad fucking bull, hoping, that there HAS to be someone out there, someone who's meant for me, someone who'll sweep me off my crazy restless feet.
Exactly, I'm putting too much pressure on myself, trying to find someone who'll make my holiday... fun.
Yes, I am dependent on others... for everything. It's sad, but it's true. And it's funny coz I am a loner. I always go everywhere alone. I don't know if I like it, but that's the way it is. After a while, company begins to bore the crap out of me.
To put it simply... there are a few pieces of the jig puzzle still missing. According to me, just one little piece is missing - that my friends, is a woman in my life, a woman I can belong to, a woman, who can give me a reason to change everything about me.
Like I said, I am always dependent on others, even if it is about changing myself for my own good.
I need incentive.
Anyway, I'm gonna try and make life a little interesting around here.
9891745714 - That's my Delhi number.
For old friends and new.
Feel free.
To get to one place to another, it takes you hours. Driving, you can barely switch to the fourth gear... don't even know why they make cars here with a fifth one!
It's like I never left. As of this moment my life is exactly how it was when I left Delhi six months and six days ago. I've taken over from where I left off... exactly.
The same old drunken phone calls, the desperate search for something to do, someone to meet and then push them away when they come a little closer.
There's no body here. I don't know what I'm hoping for. A miracle maybe. That someone extra ordinary will come into my life, right now, before this month ends and change my life forever.
Someone who can control my life for me.
I'm ok in Qatar.. well, and if you think I am not ok there then you should see me here. A smile comes hard. In Qatar, there are moments when I truly laugh.
It's the same old faces. Some haven't changed even a bit. The same questions... "Hey how's Qatar? Do you get killed if you're caught drunk?"
I don't even bother answering them.
I enter a place, and I can see people pointing at me, mumbling, "Hey... look there, he's back. Remember him? The same guy, remember who used to trip alone at TC all the time?"
You know what...
I ain't even taking this as a holiday which it happens to be. I'm putting too much pressure on myself to find something, someone.
I should relax... watch some TV, eat good food, sleep... just laze around a little.
I'm alays trying to go out, one place after the other, like a mad fucking bull, hoping, that there HAS to be someone out there, someone who's meant for me, someone who'll sweep me off my crazy restless feet.
Exactly, I'm putting too much pressure on myself, trying to find someone who'll make my holiday... fun.
Yes, I am dependent on others... for everything. It's sad, but it's true. And it's funny coz I am a loner. I always go everywhere alone. I don't know if I like it, but that's the way it is. After a while, company begins to bore the crap out of me.
To put it simply... there are a few pieces of the jig puzzle still missing. According to me, just one little piece is missing - that my friends, is a woman in my life, a woman I can belong to, a woman, who can give me a reason to change everything about me.
Like I said, I am always dependent on others, even if it is about changing myself for my own good.
I need incentive.
Anyway, I'm gonna try and make life a little interesting around here.
9891745714 - That's my Delhi number.
For old friends and new.
Feel free.
posted by Once the Conman at 5:20 PM
4 Comments:
It's like I never left
exactly..
The thing I find about life is if you're waiting for it to happen it just doesn't and when you're not looking and not expecting and frankly not interested in the least..something always does.
Don't call me I'll call you.. (wink ).. Just kidding G'luck.
Misreflect: Is there a technique, a mantra, to suddenly switch personalities, or a button you press so that all of a sudden I stop looking, and in fact become least interested in it...?
yes there is its called distraction.. find it! but it must be powerful enough to take your mind off looking...What distraction.. hey that one I can't answer it could be anything from joining a band, taking up a life threatening sport to taking long walks with strangers.. I don't know.
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