10 months down

It's been 10 months, here, in Qatar. The country, well, good or bad, has grown on me.

Somewhat.

Here I am, with my future in the palms of my hands. I can either hold on to it. Or let it slip away, and carry on living, life, like it was a game, an easy, tough, game.

I can stay on, save my ass off, and secure my life ahead. Build my dreams of one day owning a beach shack in Goa, from a beach shack to a night club in Delhi, from Delhi to Mumbai, probably die a filthy rich man.

It's right here, upto me.

You know how everyone starts their careers off, at a pay of say 5000 (Indian Rs.) bucks, then they go up to 10,000 and then 25k a month. You wonder then, fuck, 25 is less dude.

You look back at your first job, how happy you were getting those 5 grand. Man... they were enough.

Then 10k seems less, then even 25k, and you just want more and more. It's never enough.

Coz, "If you ain't enough without a Gold medal, you're never gonna be enough with it."

everyone gets a chance in their lives to become rich. It's my belief, everyone. We all wonder, hell, how the hell am I ever gonna buy my own car, or build my own house, earn enough to send my kids to school, like my father did, how will I ever earn enough to have a family, and live a decent happy life.

It seems almost impossible. Everyone goes through this. And I so did. I never thought, I'd ever earn enough.

But then, what is enough? That, though, is totally besides the point.

And suddenly, somewhere in your life, something, some sort a miracle, when you least least least expect it, you see standing in front of you, staring right at your face.

You know, that's your chance. Your chance to cash in. But it's scary, coz if you mess up, and you don't cash in on that chance, you got no one else to blame but you. No destiny, no fate, no hard life. It's you and no one else, it's now, or never.

Life becomes easy after that. It becomes a little monotonous too. You've saved, probably invested, secured your entire family's future, without even knowing the girl you're probably gonna marry, without knowing if you're ever gonna get married. You've just secured their lives and yours.

You're safely away from the cliff, the edge of which you once were infactuated with.

Here I am, 10 months in Qatar, planning my holidays to Australia, to Chicago in December, almost convinced, I'm here to stay. Here in Qatar, a country, which I had to search for on the map before I was about to land in.

Maybe I secure my future beginning now. It's scary though. If I do it, what will I ever be bothered about in my life? What will scare me? What will keep me going?

The Search? The Search for love? I'm somewhat tired of that search. My search has become more into a girl's search for me... waiting like a helpless eunuch for the girl to find me, if at all there is a girl who's gonna be mine forever.

I'm tired. I'm scared. I'm worried.

I'm becoming normal, with age. I'm worried about saving money. I'm no more fun. I'm no more a bungee jumper.

I'm no more, me.

I feel like losing it. I mean it. I feel like being mentally abnormal. I just hope I already am.