I'm scared now. Why but?

I don't know. But as the day is coming closer - the day I'll be on that flight back home, Delhi, my home, the excitement's turned into some sort of fear.

Fear. I am not sure if thats the right word. But I'm scared. Of what? I don't know.

Maybe it's the excitement that I'm mistaking for fear. But I don't know. I think I'm scared. It is fear.

Qatar's changed me. I don't even know how, or how much. But there is this inch of a feeling somewhere within me that I don't want to go back to Delhi.

So many people, such a big place, Delhi's a stranger to me it seems. It's like I've been away from it for years together. I've almost forgotten what it smells like.

I'm numb.

I don't know how I'll react in places where I used to rule. My lifestyle's changed. I am not the same man that left Delhi about six months ago.

I am used to this. A small life, few people, the cool breeze of this tiny desert country. My friends. The Qatar Diary.

I'm scared to meet those same faces again.

I am a different person. Twice as arrogant. Qatar makes you like that. But twice as calm too.

What will I say? What will I do?

I know I don't have to explain to anyone how I've changed, and that their lifestyle is now juat so different from mine.

I am returning from a land where the rat race doesn't exist. If it does, I haven't come in its path, nor have the people I know here.

No, the rat race goes on somewhere far far away from Qatar.

I'm scared if I'll be able to handle to winter chill of Delhi. I am scared of not knowing how to behave in my own home in Delhi.

What will I say to my parents? Will I tell them about Qatar, or my life here? How will I explain it to them that my life - totally contrary to a life in Qatar - has been a maddening coaster ride, with its crazy ups and downs. And eventually, the country got me, no matter how hard I tried to not like it.

How will I tell them that Qatar's a beautiful place? That I've made some great friends. That I'm getting used to Qatar. I'm scared because I'm afraid my words won't do justice.

I'm scared of thinking about the crowd, the people hugging me, the familiar faces around trying to see what six months have done to him... and not being able to see it.

I'm scared that I won't really be myself in Delhi. I'm scared that I won't enjoy Delhi. I'm scared that I won't like Delhi.

I'm scared that I'll miss Qatar.

Qatar... my home, for now.

And Delhi... I got nothing to say to Delhi anymore. Except that I'm coming back home.

Times change, people change, thinkings change, feelings change... and homes, they change too.